I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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