Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
