He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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