his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
