I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
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