My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Holy shit dude........stairs
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
