I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I didn't notice because vodka
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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