hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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