Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
