if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
