he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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