While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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