the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
