Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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