He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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