I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
