i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
