I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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