I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
