At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
