I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Randomize
