Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
