u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
