I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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