umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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