I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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