Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
