Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
