I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
