Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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