he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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