Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
