i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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