I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
