When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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