I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He has the fingertips of a God
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
