i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
