Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
