It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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