I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
