You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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