I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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