I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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