That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
