Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Randomize
