My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
