it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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