just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
