But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
