I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
