I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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