just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
