If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
