Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
