Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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