look no pants
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
